Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Life Apparently "Sucks"

I had a tough day today. Life in general has been tough lately. In September, (I know that was only two months ago) one of my grown daughters moved back in with us bringing her two small children (ages 2 years and now 5 months). I love them. Everyday, she tells me how much her life "sucks". Her high school sweetheart (and first love) decided he didn't want to be a husband or father anymore. He left her with a car that is falling apart, no money, many late bills and no roof over their heads. My daughter was a stay at home mom (at her husband's insisting) and is having trouble finding a job now that he left. He won't get a "real" job because he knows he will then have to pay child support. The last thing she ever wanted to do was to move back home. She is an adult and wants to do as she pleases. She refuses to discipline her children for fear they might not love her anymore. So my grandchildren run wild in our new home (we bought it May 2008). If we try to tell them no, my daughter gets mad. Her life "sucks". I get it. It isn't easy to move in with Mom and Dad and suddenly not make all of the rules. Mom and Dad have rules. It isn't fun to have to check in (out of courtesy) to say whether or not you plan to be home for dinner. It isn't fun to help clean up after your children. I get it. I try to be patient when my grandson (the 2 year old) smears food all over the table and it takes my daughter all day AND someone saying, the table needs cleaning before she wipes it up. My patients are being pushed to the limit. I try not to get upset when my daughter leaves a dirty diaper laying on the floor (living room, bedroom, it doesn't matter). I try to be patient while she orders everyone (her two younger sisters who still live at home) around. She lives hear rent free, we provide food, shelter, diapers and even clothes for her children. We have rearranged everything in our lives to adjust to her and her children living hear. I love them all. Did I mention, her life "sucks"? I'm trying hard not to be bitter. I am trying hard to let her raise her children her way (and still keep my house intact). I love them. I am just so tired of being made to feel like it's my fault her marriage fell apart. I'm so tired of hearing "My life sucks". We all know she's going through a tough time and we have tried to be there for her. We love them. But how much is too much? My sister and Dad keep telling me to be tougher and let her leave with her kid's and see how much life could really "suck". I'm not sure I can do it. The stress is enormous on our family. I've always thought family came first and we make sacrifices for them but now...maybe tough love is better. I would love more thoughts on this. I love all four of my daughters. I would give my life for anyone of them. I took a class a few years ago and found out I was a "helicopter parent". Basically it means I hover over them and protect them from harm or trouble. Maybe I'm just crazy. Anyway, these are the ramblings of a frustrated and tired woman. Am I terrible for wanting my house to have my rules, my own space and less stress?
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Lilfix said...


Letterlady said...

Sorry bout how this is going for you.We are in a parallel situation. Not sure why ppl you give free rent and groceries to cannot be extra vigilant about cleaning up after themselves...in fact amybe they could pitch in and do some extra good deeds to try and be a blessing to their hosts. Never the less, God has blessed you with much, and I'm sure He would want you to share. He uses these rough circumstances to polish out the imperfections in our own character, to make us more like Him. So just trust the process, as much as it hurts. Smiles.