I'm Turning 40

That's right, FRAZZLEDNANNY will be 40 years old on Sunday, April 5th. It feels strange to be turning 40. I thought I'd be emotional, but I'm not. I thought I'd be sad, but I'm not. In November 08, God revealed to me that I had been holding onto all of this pain and anger from some past hurts regarding our church. It would take too much time to go into all of the details so I'll just say that I was a new Christian (Born Again in December 87) when I started attending the church that caused the pain and anger (January 89). I was strong in my faith and I had a great relationship with Jesus. Then I met the man I later married. We decided to attend his church (he was born and raised in this church and I had only been at my church for about a year). For the next 17 years, I struggled with this church. Some of the Board Members made it difficult to Praise God my way. The church was "set in it's way" and they didn't want to "step out of the box". Every Ministry I tried to start (following God's lead), they put up "road blocks". I got the teens excited about Jesus and Praising God their way. The church put up a fight. It was a constant battle. I thought I had let go of all the bitterness and hurt, when we changed churches in June 07. I tried to get involved in our new church. I attended church as often as I could. Inside, I felt numb. I couldn't get excited about anything. Then God revealed that I was holding onto the pain and anger. When God told me that, I felt a weight lift from me. I was so happy and I felt something for the first time in a really long time. I realized I hadn't felt anything since before leaving our old church. After a week of joy, God revealed that now I had to grieve everything that had happened since I stopped feeling things. The flood gates opened. Every morning, God would ask me if I was ready. Some mornings I was and I would be on a roller coaster of emotions. Some mornings I wasn't up for it and God would simply say, "O.K. We'll do another day." He was so patient with me and I felt His love again. I felt alive again. In March 09, I felt complete again. I feel my passion returning. I feel a great peace and joy flowing over me. When things happen, I am able to grieve them or enjoy them. I believe all the things I buried for all of those years have been dealt with. I am excited about church and I love Praising God again. Our new church is accepting of everyone. They are open to letting everyone Praise their own way. They focus on God and loving others (just as they are). I wanted to be there for my children and now I can. During my time of being shut down, I gained a lot of weight. Now I understand I was eating to avoid dealing with my life. I have about 75 pounds to lose and I feel ready to finally change my habits and lose the weight. I'm telling you all of this because as I turn 40, I am blessed. I cannot begin to count the blessings God has rained down on me. Turning 40 is nothing compared to shutting down and then having years of your life bubble up and over you in a matter of months. So this year, as I turn 40, I invite all of you to celebrate with me. Let go of the things that hold you back from being the "you" God wants you to be. His plans are far better than we can imagine. Let go and have FAITH that God will catch you and soar with you. My goal as I turn 40, is to let go and soar with God. I'LL BE THE ONE LISTENING TO THE MUSIC AND TAKING TIME TO DANCE!